11
Not later than the other day I was asked where I’m from.
For a very long time this was an easy one to answer. No pause, no hesitation, no pondering about what the person was really asking.
Depending on which part of the world I was in, Brussels or Belgium would fuse out of my mouth. That was a no-brainer.
Lately however it has become harder and harder to give a simple answer.
This topic of “where is home/where are you from” was completely unknown to me until 3 years ago. I am now reading, hearing and discussing it more often that I would have ever imagined. I have learned it is an extremely common discussion amongst expats or many who have ever had to leave one place to live in another one.
Although it may seem simple, “where do you come from” sends you back to who you are and how you define yourself.
Are you asking me about the country I was born in? The one I grew up in or the place I currently live in?
For me those are three different answers.
The first one was never home and was even almost irrelevant to me for a very long time as I left it when I was three months old. That was until recently when moving abroad saw me going through the administrative steps every expat experiences, getting a hold on your birth certificate and so on. Doing this I got confirmation of my dual citizenship, I suspected it but didn’t really know for sure and it didn’t matter that much to me. But now, if I ever want to visit my birth country, I would need a new passport. The “where are you from” makes me wonder if I should actually request that passport or not. Not an easy question, I told you, it brings you back to who you are and how you define yourself!
My “home country”, the one I grew up in, is it where I’m from? I suppose it is but then again it is not as easy as it seems as the following line usually refers to “where do you live?”. And obviously, it is not in the same country. And believe me, people seem puzzled when you tell them you’re from Belgium and then that you live just North of Paris.
With time, your home country becomes a notion that looses its sharpness. Each time I return “home” the city feels a bit more different, distant. Everything changes so quickly. Going with the flow you don’t notice those changes, your go-to restaurant’s owner changes, a new house is built, a one-way street becomes two-way, a bus stop is moved, little by little it evolves, it lives, it breathes. Once you leave and only visit a few times a year, those changes come as a wave that splashes in your face. You can be hit hard and it no longer feels like home.
In the end, is the question really “where do you live”? Wouldn’t that be much easier?! You always know where your current residence is!
Sadly I don’t have any new insight on this topic, I am just realising I’m not the only one to be lost when it comes to defining who you are to a stranger (or even to yourself), feeling lost when going home or even putting home on a map. I’ve come to accept this as a natural step in expatriation, one of the many things you don’t necessarily hear about prior to your first move.
I would love to hear from you! What are your views on this topic? Is it something you think about? Is it easy or are you struggling with this concept? Let me know in the comment section below.
I like to call this “The Stargate”, you can see this sculpture when entering Brussels from the South.
My childhood neighbourhood.
Enjoying the Belgian seaside during the winter holidays.
11 Comments
It is not always an easy question. I was born in the US to an American father and Belgian mother. I lived in Belgium age 9-17 and am now back in the US. I would say the US feels most like home, but when visiting a Belgium this summer (Rhode St Gense) it was remarkable how after all these years, it still felt like home, too. My friends here don’t understand that connection.
Thank you Michelle. I like the word connection you use and your reference to friends. Family and friends don’t always understand that notion of feeling at home. It must have been interesting to go back after all the years to a place you once lived in and fantastic to still feel at home! Thank you for your comment.
I so relate! For me it’s even trickier since my family’s from Turkey but I grew up in France and have now lived in the US for 14 years. My response to the question is usually “from France, but I have lived in Pennsylvania for XX years.” I don’t want any deeper because, to me, that’s not a spiritual question but more of a conversation- starter like “how are you?”
I don’t like to give too much info, always brings more question that should be left (for me) for much later when you really know the person. I do find it interesting to know where people come from, to see how everyone is interacting based on where they lived and cultural differences. So much more to explore on this topic!
I’m with you on this point! I feel the same for Paris, which I love so much and where I used to live before Miami, and the Alps, where I grew-up and which I live so much as well. Anyway, my feelings are a little different, I feel really connected with France when I’m there, living and feeling things more intensly…
Our first year in France we went back home every other week-end, it felt very much like home, almost as if we hadn’t left! Then came the second year and we went back once a month. This year, we went back twice for week-ends to Brussels, way too short to live it intensely I suppose. I still very much enjoy walking in the city and re-discovering it, seeing things I didn’t pay attention to before but I feel a bit like a stranger now. I should maybe try spending a full week there!
I feel exactly the same when someone is asking me “where are you from”?
Usually, I answer “long story short”, then I explain that I am French, but I am living now in Florida.
Often, the following question is: “Are you from Canada or France?” 😉 This is funny for us as we actually lived for a few years in Québec, so we also explain that… and the discussion is usually longer than it should have been!
A discussion that I find really interesting by the way, I love hearing about people’s story, where they are from, where they lived, how they got from one place to another and so-on. Just not with everyone and not on a first encounter 🙂
[…] Speaking of which, my friend Maya wrote a nice post about this feeling, you can find here. I love to think that home is where my heart is. The thing is… that my heart is a little […]
[…] Home is a vast concept, a vicious one that plays with your sense of identity once you move from one place to another. When moving abroad you abandon some of the things that made you who you are and you embrace the many opportunities you discover. They shape your identity in such a way it is sometimes difficult to clearly state where home is. I discuss this topic in “Where are you from?”. […]
[…] Home is a vast concept, a vicious one that plays with your sense of identity once you move from one place to another. When moving abroad you abandon some of the things that made you who you are and you embrace the many opportunities you discover. They shape your identity in such a way it is sometimes difficult to clearly state where home is. I discuss this topic in “Where are you from?”. […]